Bloodletting - Screenplay & Novel Excerpts

Ideally, before viewing this post, you've already read my interview with William D. Prystauk (if not, be sure to read it right away for his insightful remarks about adapting, inspirations, his writing process and more.) The interview gives background about Bloodletting, his original feature screenplay that he turned into a novel. Below is an excerpt from the screenplay, followed by the same scene in the novel. It's interesting to see how the novel's prose is expanded and developed compared to the concise, to-the-point screenplay narrative/description.

Bloodletting - Screenplay Excerpt

Page 26

by William D. Prystauk

Please note: Any screenplay format that looks a bit "off" (such as how the dialogue is centered) is due to the limitations of blog format, not William's original script. 

EXT. CHURCH OF THE TRANSFIGURATION - DAWN
 

Denny and Erin, a little unkempt, climb the front steps of the church. Denny tries one of the large doors.

DENNY BOWIE
I know they're locked and...

The door opens. Denny stops Erin while YAWNING. Slowly, they step inside.
 

INT. CHURCH OF THE TRANSFIGURATION - CONTINUING
 

Denny, keeping a watchful eye, walks ahead of Erin towards the pew with a shadowy life-sized Christ on his cross.
 

ERIN MARR
Churches look so unholy in the
dark.

Denny brings a finger to his lips. Erin peers at the cross.
 

ERIN MARR (CONT’D)
I can't see anything except...

Erin SCREAMS. Denny rolls his eyes. SIGHING, he moves closer to the pew and lights a candle.
 

DENNY BOWIE
So much for the element of
surprise.

He follows Erin's eyes to the crucifix.
 

STACY'S NAILED TO THE CROSS.
 

She wears her own barbed-wire crown of thorns and her right side sports a wound. Blood from her injuries cover the floor and the cross. Denny tries to get a closer look, but Erin clings to him for dear life.
 

DENNY BOWIE
It's the girl I met in the bar the
other night.

Denny turns and faces Erin.

DENNY BOWIE (CONT’D)
She told me to stay away from
Penny. Said she was evil.

Lights pop on. Denny and Erin turn and face the front doors.

Bloodletting - Novel Excerpt

Chapter 16 (Pages 107-111)

by William D. Prystauk

     In my heart, organized religion was the root of all evil and I had little tolerance for any temple and the many hypocrisies that accompanied it, but the Church of St. Francis Xavier was different. They truly gave a damn, and because they represented an entity as staunch and old world misogynistic as Roman Catholicism, I was surprised the Vatican hadn’t shut the place down long ago. Besides outreach programs for the poor and unemployed, this Jesuit apostolate devoted themselves to gay and lesbian Catholics caught in the crossfire of political rhetoric and selective biblical interpretation.

      At five on the dot, Erin and I, unkempt and drained, stood before the pale granite of the fairytale-like 1880’s church. With the gold statue of Saint Francis looking down upon us from the stone balcony of the second story, as if he’d stepped away from his alcove to bless Erin and me, we passed the black iron fencing, and climbed the stone steps up through the center of a trio of arches to the waiting door.
I silenced a yawn then gripped the handle. “I know it’s locked and ...”

    The wooden door opened with little effort.

    My raised hand stopped Erin from rushing in. Slowly, we stepped inside.

    Keeping a watchful eye, I moved far ahead of him. With the lights of the pre-dawn dancing through the mosaic glass in a kaleidoscope of color, I sensed the enormity of the parish. There were far too many recesses, columns and pews to hide behind, let alone the darkened mezzanine. Worse still, the Latin cross-shaped house of worship was under renovation, and filled my nose with lingering odors left from plaster and sealant, though I was more concerned about the additional places from equipment that allowed for more hidden surprises. Fearing an ambush, I moved forward anyway, trying to bury the sound of my heart so I could listen for any misstep from the caller who was most likely already here. Against my instincts, and with a shaky hand, I moved straight down the center towards the shadowy, life-sized figure of Christ on his cross, making sure the heels of my boots didn’t clunk or scrape along the uneven stone floor of the transept. The church and its ornate frescoes rose above me and whatever intimacy I felt outside its gates was now completely lost. I was alone in the shadows in a vast warehouse of stone and glass that would amplify the smallest of sounds.

    With my own tell-tale heart continuing to hamper my ears as I plodded along, guided only by those haphazard rays of light, I took pride in our silent approach, when, “Churches look so unholy in the dark” made its escape from Erin’s lips. I slammed a finger against my mouth, signaling him to shut the fuck up. But Erin just peered at the crucifix. “I can’t see anythang except ...”

    Erin’s scream rang throughout every corner of St. Francis Xavier’s. I rolled my eyes and sagged in defeat. Taking a small flashlight from my back pocket, I calmed my nerves and wondered if my ears were bleeding from the dancer’s shriek.

    “So much for the element of surprise,” I half-said aloud. 

     Following Erin’s horror to the crucifix, I thumbed the switch and the light found the spirit of his cry: a frail, willowy girl nailed to a cross.

     Erin’s fingers dug their way into me as he slammed his eyes shut and buried his face into the back of my olive drab. I kept my bearings. Listened first. No movement meant the killer was long gone. I tried to move forward, but Erin was steadfast. I shined the light onto the corpse and the hair gave her away.

     “It’s the girl I met in the bar the other night.” I turned towards Erin and he released his numbing grip though his eyes were still closed. “She told me to stay away from Penny. Said she was evil.” \

     Erin cried and the echo rang out. “Honey, let’s go. Please.” His voice alien and strange. He tugged at me in desperation, but I wasn’t going anywhere.

     Putting my arm around Erin’s waist, I spun him about to face the doors, leaving me to face the body, and brought him in close. I lifted his chin and told him to look at me. He did.

     “Go outside, have a cigarette and wait for me. Don’t call the cops.” I stopped my new lover from speaking with a calming kiss. “Go.”

    Erin sniffled, nodded and rushed outside with fast clicks from his heels to the safety of the sunlight.

    I moved forward with tentative steps towards the cross, careful enough not to get too close. I focused on the body: the Jesus girl wore her own barbed-wire crown of thorns, above a face in repose, and her right side had been cut open, mocking what the spear of destiny had done to the original rebel some two-thousand years before. Her pale, tortured body was covered in zigzag patterns of gashes and whip marks. Railroad spikes punctured her palms and ankles. Blood covered the floor as well as the handmade cross of rotting, damaged wood, set before the altar. Past the desecration shined the true, painted crucifix in the rotunda of the sanctuary, a riveting fresco in an arched frame below the church’s grand dome. It must’ve taken time to pose the girl, and the portrait behind her body was in all likelihood used as a guide.

     I shifted to the side, crouching low to let the light play along the base of its altar at the edges of the black pool. With the best angle for light and reflection, I found it: bootprints. Two sets. One very large and one much smaller. There was nothing more though my heart told me someone else had to be there, watching, orchestrating, gloating – the Mistress directing her minions.

     The Jesus girl had to have been alive for the final moments because her blood had cascaded from deep cuts in her armpits and covered most of the prints on the floor. No blood had been tracked beyond the confines of the altar, though its metallic odor cut through the smell of the drying plaster.
Shining the light on her face, I caught the trails from tears and the pale, downturned mouth as if she were at rest. And for some reason, in that hall of absolute peace, as I expected her eyes to open, I heard a drop splash onto the floor as if the church was crying for her.

     I wondered if she peered out the colored glass and begged for mercy. Then I remembered the giant crucifix that had hung around her neck and could hear her saying, “Why hast thou forsaken me?” in her final moment. Maybe Jesus was her one true love and this was her one chance to totally immerse herself into the spirit of his death to try and feel what he had felt. To completely appreciate her savior via a forced imitation of Christ with her in the starring role. I could see her bringing her captors, her torturers no satisfaction as she grew quiet and still while peering out of the stained glass. Yeah, she didn’t beg. She smiled because she was going home. Going home to her love. I just can’t imagine the hell she went through to get there.

     I looked at her one last time before getting back to work. I searched in vain for her silver crucifix but couldn’t find it and knew the necklace had become a trophy.  

     And as I got closer to the bootprints in an effort to better see the patterns, the lights popped on. I twisted around, snapping a wide-eyed gaze toward the front doors.

© William D. Prystauk

Adaptation Interview: Karen Mueller Bryson

In March, I wrote a post Fiction to Film about adapting my short story Local Call into a short script. In the meantime, I've asked other writers about their process of adapting one form of writing into another. To kick off a series of interviews with writers about adaptation, today's interview is with Karen Mueller Bryson, PhD.

Karen adapted her time-travel adventure screenplay The Incredibly Awesome Adventures of Puggie Liddell, which was written during her time as a Writers Boot Camp Fellow, into a middle grade read and graphic novel which are slated to be published by Zeta Comics. Another project is adapting her romantic comedy screenplay Twyla's Last Trip into a "fast beach read" for adults.

The interview is separated into two sections in order to ask Karen about both adaptation processes:

The Incredibly Awesome Adventures of Puggie Liddell

 http://puggie.homestead.com/

Summary:  The adventure begins when wise-cracking whiz kid Puggie Liddell’s modified Gameboy activates a time portal and he lands in the 1890s with his sibling rival, annoyingly prissy teen sister, Gigi, who thinks history is like-totally-gross. The kids must learn to work together to find a time portal back to the present before the eccentric scientist, Nikola Telsa, or his arch-nemesis, inventor Thomas Edison, can steal the Gameboy and use it to complete a death ray machine, an invention powerful enough to disturb the very fabric of space-time and create an instantaneous world disaster.

Q: First, to clarify: is it a children's book, comic book or YA novel?

 

Karen Mueller Bryson: I adapted the screenplay into both a middle-grades (ages 8-12) novel and graphic novel. Both formats of the story are scheduled to be published by Zeta Comics.
 

Q: What was the most difficult aspect of adapting your screenplay into book form? The most rewarding?

 

KMB: I actually didn’t find anything difficult about the adaptation process. I enjoyed the work and found it extremely rewarding. The most rewarding aspect (and unexpected benefit) of the process was that I improved the screenplay even more than I thought I could. I had initially thought the screenplay was finished but in creating the novel and graphic novel, I discovered additional layers of the characters and story that weren’t evident to me until I wrote the story in different ways.

Q: Did you have to remove any aspects from the screenplay? Were you able to fit more story into the screenplay or the book?

 

KMB: Much more can be fit into a novel than a screenplay. Novels tend to more dense and screenplays are more concise. I didn’t remove any scenes or dialogue from the screenplay but I did add a lot! Creating the graphic novel was a completely different story. There were several key aspects of the screenplay that I left out of the graphic novel because I didn’t think they would work as well in a primarily illustrated format. 

Q: What were the most significant changes you had to make?

 

KMB: Screenplays are written in present tense and novels tend to be written in past tense, so that is one obvious difference. The actual text of a screenplay, when placed in prose format, is quite short, so the novel needed to be filled out. Because the siblings travel back in time, I did a significant amount of historical research in the process of writing the screenplay. Many of those historical details had no place in a screenplay but I used many of them in the novel. I also added some additional background and character details into the novel.

Q: Describe your novel adaptation process.

 

I worked extensively on the screenplay for about six months and felt as though I was immersed in the story. Because the spec screenplay market is so difficult to break into, I decided to increase my chances by publishing the story in several platforms in order to expand the brand. In adapting the screenplay into a novel, my first step was to place the screenplay into a Word document. I then removed the screenplay formatting and changed the tense from present to past throughout the document. I then changed all of the character dialogue into “he said” and “she said” statements. That provided me with a wonderful “bare-bones” novel, almost like an expanded outline, which I then filled out by adding additional description, character detail and historical facts. One of the unexpected benefits of creating the novel was that it allowed me to view the story in different way and I found ways to improve the screenplay that I did not see when I was only looking at the story in that format.

Twyla's Last Trip

Logline: In order to fulfill the requirements of her estranged mother's will and inherit her fortune, an uptight research psychologist, on a deadline to complete her doctoral dissertation, must take her mother's ashes on a cross-country journey on RT 66, accompanied by her mother's easygoing country lawyer and his bloodhound.

 
Q:  In writing the "beach read" novel, did you have to change the tone of the screenplay in any way?

 

KMB: The screenplay was written as a “road trip romantic comedy” and the novel has the same tone. I was able to add a bit more wit and sarcasm to the novel because characters thoughts can be included, which is not allowed in a screenplay.

Q: Did you have to add extra plot points or any additional characters in order to fill the length of a novel?

 

KMB: My style tends to be short and concise, even when I write novels, so I didn’t find the need to add additional plot points or characters to the novel. Much like I did with The Incredibly Awesome Adventure of Puggie Liddell, I filled the novel in with more details and background information. I would consider the adaptation a “short novel.” That’s why I’ve decided to start using the term “fast reads” for my adapted work. The Incredibly Awesome Adventures of Puggie Liddell is a “fast read for kids.” Twyla’s Last Trip is a “fast beach read.” I think with attention spans decreasing and people hungry for quick entertainment alternatives, shorter novels will become increasingly popular, especially for eReaders.  

Q: Is there background to the characters that you fleshed out in the novel (perhaps just hinted at in the screenplay)?

 

KMB: Yes. I think that’s one of the key elements of making the adaption from screenplay to novel successful. The creation of a film is a collaborative process. A screenwriter is asked to provide the essence of action, description and characterization in a screenplay. (That’s why screenplays are often referred to as the “blueprint” for a film.) The “fleshing out” is done by filmmakers. A novel is a complete work of art and the process of creating it is not collaborative. The writer is responsible for the entire creative process.     

Q: Did you use an outline for the screenplay? For the novel?

 

KMB: I use an extremely broad and simple outline when I create a screenplay, basically just hitting the major points in the story. The screenplay, however, becomes a kind of extended outline for the novel. I am growing to love the process of working back and forth between a screenplay and novel. I can’t see myself embarking on spec projects that would not include both forms of storytelling. There’s no reason not to have a line of “fast read” novels to support all of my screenplays. 

Q: Is your intended audience the same or different for the screenplay and the novel?

KMB: I think the intended audience is basically the same, although I believe there are readers, who do not enjoy watching films and people, who enjoy movies, who don’t like reading.

Thank you, Karen!

For more about Karen Mueller Bryson, visit http://www.ahorsewithnoname.com/

Fiction to Film

Adapting a novel or short story into a screenplay or short script can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. In prose, a writer has the luxury of an endless amount of paragraphs to impart needed backstory and information about characters or plot. In a script, a writer must find a way to convey these details in the characters' dialogue or actions. As a screenplay reader, I often read scripts in which the writer uses narrative to tell the reader vital facts about the characters. This is a no-no, because a movie viewer isn't reading the screenplay as they watch the film.

When I adapted my short story Local Call into a short script, it was necessary to convey needed information about the protagonist's career. The short story begins with the following paragraph:

The outdoor mall was the wrong place to choose for my lunch break. In an attempt to distance myself from the summer crowds, I huddled under a vast free-standing umbrella, desperate for a spot of shade. I would’ve been bothered had I not been in a jubilant mood. My career was booming. I was the leader of a medical team that had just finished a successful round of tests on a new sedative. Prisons and hospitals would benefit from the new drug, meant to calm criminals or the mentally ill. My boss beamed when he gave me the good news. He told me to expect a newspaper article within the next few days. My photograph would be in the newspaper.

Since I did not want to use voice over in the script, I opted to create a phone conversation between the protagonist and his wife. It was important to retain the protagonist's self-satisfied tone. In the opening of the script (below), the details about the protagonist's work and the sedative are mentioned conversationally, rather than stated outright in the prose:

FADE IN:

EXT. OUTDOOR MALL - DAY

A sunny and warm summer day. CAMPBELL PETERS, 30s, dressed in a business suit, stands in a spot of shade. Campbell has a debonair but slightly arrogant demeanor. He talks on his cellular phone.

 

CAMPBELL
The meeting was superb. I don’t
think Louis could be a prouder
boss. I’ll be written up in the
paper in a few days.
(beat)
Well, why wouldn’t they include my
picture? It’s not everyday someone
creates a new sedative to calm
criminals.
(laughing)
I know, it creeps you out.

I'd love to hear from others about changes they've had to make while adapting their writing!